Mid Week Update

Penn State is one of the latest to fall into the pronoun cult. The LGBTQQIP2SAA  (otherwise known as Alphabet Soup) is eliminating words like freshmen and upperclassmen. The Gender Studies department is also being scrutinized for use of gender terms. Students can earn a dual-title master’s degree (M.A./ M.S.) or a dual-title Ph.D. in Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies (WGSS). But that won’t help them since gender studies is now a non-sequitur.

Separate graduation ceremonies for each sub-group will now be provided. At this point, Six types of graduation identities are planned for Columbia University. We are not sure about Penn State at this time. According to one student, we are awaiting the much-anticipated release of classified information on UFOs / UAPs from the Pentagon in June. This could significantly add to the number of types of creatures living among us, resulting in additional separate graduation ceremonies. We know the Reptilians hate the Greys and God forbid if the Tall Whites show up! The potential list is enormous according to Wikipedia.

Other students have proposed a throwback graduation gown meant to obfuscate gender, race, and other characteristics so they can combine graduations. The proposed throwback graduation garb is depicted below:

In other Penn State News the Nitanny Lion will be replaced with a non-meat eating mascot pictured below:

This just in. Penn State will be searching for a new name since William Penn owned slaves.

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